Step

Pain is a process. Not just one to recover from, but a process to embrace. We fear it, despise it, try to resist it, and yet slowly and even intentionally open ourselves up to it and even ask for it. Don't tell anyone that-- it'd be better to lie. To pretend that we don't want it and to claim we avoid anything that calls for it. Then again, even denial is a friend to some.

But then there are relationships. Yeah, you know them. Even if you don't want them we find ourselves wrapped up in someone's drama, someone's story, someone's prayers or someone's arms. Run and hide, but someone will find you. Friend or Foe, there is another who engages you-- maybe even pursues you. In that choice to run or to stand, the process begins. Love or hate, serve or stumble, tear down or build up. Step one.

The heart longs for reality and authentic relationship. So we risk. Put ourselves out there and ask for something in return all the while claiming the cost is free. But nothing is for free. Somewhere along the way we decide to pay a price and expect the same-- though it may be unknown. Step two.

Step three begins to spiral. It goes farther than we thought or costs more than we were going to pay. But the return starts to seem rewarding, the security so appealing. What comfort in knowing that that something is significant with or for someone thought it may be sheer hate! One can certainly love to hate as much as they hate to love. So it goes; moving beyond understanding. moving beyond superficial. beyond lighthearted and simple. It becomes complex. unsure. frustrating, exhilarating and exhausting all at the same time. Step.

Step again.
We've lost count, lost track, lost care or concern. But never feeling. And it hurts-- we even cry.

But we are the ones that risked. We are the ones who tried. We are the ones who thought... but we thought wrong. And wrong outweighs what I thought.

I must have known all along what I was setting myself up for. Surely we know that we open ourselves to pain.

But so did our servant leader. And he underwent the process. Was numbmess an option?

Final step-- Decide.