My disdain for post-election Wednesday started on November 4, 1992. It was my 12th birthday, and since I was born into a republican house on Election Day in 1980, the very day that Reagan was voted into office, you can only imagine what the election of William Jefferson Clinton did to my parents . . . and to my church family. It was a dark and depressing day. It was not a day to celebrate my life. It was a day to celebrate “the looming death of our freedom and liberty.” Everyone within my tiny little slice of the world felt like the world was coming to an end. We didn’t have mediums such as Facebook and Twitter to express our disappointment so rashly and insensitively as we do today, but the somber mood that accompanied that loss was felt everywhere I went and with every group that I met.
20 years later, I still despise this day. But as I have moved from a small child growing up in a strongly republican home to a pastor who is responsible for the spiritual guidance of individuals living in a politically partisan country, the reasons for my post election blues have shifted. I don’t dislike the day after elections, because one party wins and another loses. I’m not that preteen boy who takes his political cues from his family’s party. I’m not disappointed because I think America is lost and going to hell in a hand basket, as some of my Facebook acquaintances seem to think.
No, I am disappointed because of the lack of influence that the Gospel seems to have in the lives of those who call Christianity their faith tradition. I am discouraged, because so many that I call friends and colleagues value their civil religion over and above a real commitment to the radical kingdom alternative that the gospel offers. I am discouraged to see that so many are more emotionally effected by the results of an election than from the coming of Christ’s kingdom into our lives and hearts, an advent that transforms both individuals and societies.
When I moved into my role as a pastor in 2005, I began to see a church that stands in the hallways of our houses of worship speaking more about politicians than about the work of God in the world. I listened to Sunday School classes that sounded more like political stump speeches than articulate expressions of biblical exposition. I found that American Christians were more enthralled with their government than with their faith. I realize that much of this comes as result of the church’s lack of practicality in the world. We have been far too other-worldly. Our message has not been for now, but for later. In this environment, our parishioners have nowhere else to turn for practical results than to the sphere of politics.
It’s not that this principle applied to one party more than the other. Though, I have always worked with parishioners who politically lean right, I have been in many environments with Christians who find themselves on both sides of the aisle. In both settings, faith has accompanied political persuasion not guided it. The 2004 and 2008 elections are perfect examples of this. In 2004, while in New Jersey attending Princeton Theological Seminary, President Bush was seeking his second term in office. I remember waking up the morning after the election and making my way over to campus for one of my 1st year courses. I didn’t have to wait to get to campus in order to determine the general tenor of my fellow seminarians. The depressed feeling was palpable even on the bus ride over to campus. Of course, the darkness only thickened once we got to campus. But the strangest part of the day came when I made that afternoon train ride from Princeton Junction to Matawan in order to attend our midweek worship services. Somewhere between these two train stops, the depression lifted. Christian hearts were encouraged. My parishioners were hopeful. It was a day of celebration. The sun was out, and the future was bright. Yet both of these worlds were Christian. Obama’s election in 2008 wasn’t much different. I had moved from Princeton to Duke, from the godless North East back to the Bible belt with sugary sweet ‘bless your heart’ Christians, but the division was the same. I went to Duke the morning after the election to find a campus alive with celebration over the nations election of the first African American president, and to church that night to find a church in mourning. Yet both of these worlds were Christian.
Both of these worlds were Christian?
In the tension, I felt the loss. I felt the loss of a faith that rises above politics. I felt the loss of a Christianity that cares for human values whether they are infant or elderly, black or white, foreign or domestic, enemy or ally. Humans matter to God. Neither political party gives us the option to value the full breadth of humanity from God’s point of view. In this tension, we have allowed our Christian identity to take the back seat to our political identity. We have idolized our empire and forgotten Christ’s kingdom.
On this day, I feel the loss most poignantly for our children. In the 2008 election, I was forced to look deep into the eyes of our children and remind them that the outcome of this election is not something that strips us of our joy and our hope. Our hope was never found in this event or any other political event of the past 200 years. The only political event that ultimately matters to us is the political coupe that took place 2000 years ago when Christ defied the decree of death leveled against Him by the Roman Empire. It is a political event that deeply transformed the history of humankind. It was the inauguration of kingdom that has no end. That political event is what grips our hearts, transforms our actions, changes our speech, frees us from the bondage of our economy, brings justice to the whole world and liberates the cosmos from the oppression of death.
I’m certain there will never be a U.S. president who could offer that type of hope or change. But for some reason, we keep placing our hope before them assuming that they hold our freedom in their hands. Today, as any other day, I rejoice for I know where my freedom comes from, and I know that the power, which raised Christ from the dead, rests also in me and will give life to my mortal body. It is this power that we carry to world, a power that ends wars, values life no matter where it is found, and is the great equalizer of all things. If you are struggling this day to remember your Christian identity, take hope in these principles remember that the empire of this century is not your own. Your kingdom is all around you, though often undetected.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Rereading on being, not doing. (a blog from the youth pastor days)
A heart cannot help but be captured and caught up in the mystery and wonder that fills the pages of the Bible. With every chapter a new story unfolds---a victory, a downfall, a life and a love....a tale of adventure or a glimmer of hope for the near death experience---and most of all the overall story of grace. The stories I least liked as a child were the neverending tales of the Apostle Paul. A man who endured hardship and tragedy, endured prison and beatings, raised up churches and raised up funds and raised up people all to raise up the God he had initially attempted to push so far away. And that frustrates me...how a man like this could get so much attention.
Paul is the type of guy that all the elders wanted to model because, after Jesus, he's the next best example. (although I notice few of them refrained from marriage!) Paul was "inspiring," Paul was "faithful", he was "strong" and "persistent" and "loyal." He was the type of man all the ladies would have loved to join the singles group and all the men wanted as their best friend. And yet I was so SICK of hearing his story. I wanted the church to remember that he was only these things becasue of Jesus. He was only where he was and who he was becasue of grace. He was just a human---not some sort of God! Not that I didn't love the part about his transformation, afterall, I was fascinated by radical conversion stories while I had grown up in the church. But something about this man made everyone else feel giddy while I just felt sick with all the idolatrous talk of the Great Apostle.
Then I read the story again. With fresh eyes and an open mind, I opened the pages of the Story book of Life and found a piece of my own story written.
"I have made no use of any of my rights, nor am I writing so that they may be applied in this case. Indeed, I would rather die than that--no one will deprive me of my ground for boasting, for an obligation is laid on me. and woe to me if I do not proclaim the gospel!" (Rom. 9:15-16)
At last, I find reason to celebrate this person Paul, a servant of Jesus. (okay, besides the fact that he wrote a bazillion books of the NT) Paul was genuine. He was serious about his ministry. He was sincere in his faith and he honestly was not out to gain all the "glamour" that he still gets. He did his part because he understood grace. He became a servant of Jesus because he knew the extent to which he had been served. And in this portion of scripture his confession is one that strikes deep within me---he confesses that the obligation to share the gospel has been laid on him....and so he must.
Probably not too inspiring to many people, but for me, the reality of the feelings behind such a statement have given me fresh hope. We all know that Youth Ministry is not a bed of roses. Sure the pizza is great, the kids are fun, all the hype and excitement and loud concerts keep us reliving our own youth group days---but trying to develop a minsitry that actually connects christianity and teen cultre, that's a different story.
It's hard work. It's frustrating. You can serve a hundred brownies and candy, offer 15 games, sing all the great music and spend hours talking with people without one thank you. Without one sign of a change. Without one confirmation that someone is at least listening! (And we know its not about this, "but...") But the reality still stands; God has been good. He has been faithful and generous and kind and VERY, VERY patient with us. And to recieve his grace and grab a fresh glimpse of that changes me. It is in that realization and that confession alone that I find strength to continue in what God has called us to.
Paul speaks with a tone of frustration----he hasn't made use of anything or anyone. He hasn't indulged in what care people would offer, he hasn't taken money or service from people beyond what was necessary. In no way had he demanded thank yous or words fo praise. He knew better. He rememered that the call which was so deep within him was one to share to gospel; not to check it off a list of christian things to do, but he served and preached because it was a part of who he was. His heart and life belonged to Christ...and that included the good and the bad.
That puts a crinkle in my pity-party plans. It at least reminds me of the spirit that dwells deep within me. It is a Spirit that calls me and beckons me to come closer...a spirit that rages within me and longs to live beyond the walls of my own heart and into the dark and hurting world. When I am hurting, when ministry is hard, when I don't want to make time to do anything but my own agenda or I'm too lazy to talk to God----it is then that I find myself the most miserable. So I wait and I pray, hoping that God will conintue to develop, re-develop, and guide the life within me---so that I may share this good news from who I am and not just what I do.
Paul is the type of guy that all the elders wanted to model because, after Jesus, he's the next best example. (although I notice few of them refrained from marriage!) Paul was "inspiring," Paul was "faithful", he was "strong" and "persistent" and "loyal." He was the type of man all the ladies would have loved to join the singles group and all the men wanted as their best friend. And yet I was so SICK of hearing his story. I wanted the church to remember that he was only these things becasue of Jesus. He was only where he was and who he was becasue of grace. He was just a human---not some sort of God! Not that I didn't love the part about his transformation, afterall, I was fascinated by radical conversion stories while I had grown up in the church. But something about this man made everyone else feel giddy while I just felt sick with all the idolatrous talk of the Great Apostle.
Then I read the story again. With fresh eyes and an open mind, I opened the pages of the Story book of Life and found a piece of my own story written.
"I have made no use of any of my rights, nor am I writing so that they may be applied in this case. Indeed, I would rather die than that--no one will deprive me of my ground for boasting, for an obligation is laid on me. and woe to me if I do not proclaim the gospel!" (Rom. 9:15-16)
At last, I find reason to celebrate this person Paul, a servant of Jesus. (okay, besides the fact that he wrote a bazillion books of the NT) Paul was genuine. He was serious about his ministry. He was sincere in his faith and he honestly was not out to gain all the "glamour" that he still gets. He did his part because he understood grace. He became a servant of Jesus because he knew the extent to which he had been served. And in this portion of scripture his confession is one that strikes deep within me---he confesses that the obligation to share the gospel has been laid on him....and so he must.
Probably not too inspiring to many people, but for me, the reality of the feelings behind such a statement have given me fresh hope. We all know that Youth Ministry is not a bed of roses. Sure the pizza is great, the kids are fun, all the hype and excitement and loud concerts keep us reliving our own youth group days---but trying to develop a minsitry that actually connects christianity and teen cultre, that's a different story.
It's hard work. It's frustrating. You can serve a hundred brownies and candy, offer 15 games, sing all the great music and spend hours talking with people without one thank you. Without one sign of a change. Without one confirmation that someone is at least listening! (And we know its not about this, "but...") But the reality still stands; God has been good. He has been faithful and generous and kind and VERY, VERY patient with us. And to recieve his grace and grab a fresh glimpse of that changes me. It is in that realization and that confession alone that I find strength to continue in what God has called us to.
Paul speaks with a tone of frustration----he hasn't made use of anything or anyone. He hasn't indulged in what care people would offer, he hasn't taken money or service from people beyond what was necessary. In no way had he demanded thank yous or words fo praise. He knew better. He rememered that the call which was so deep within him was one to share to gospel; not to check it off a list of christian things to do, but he served and preached because it was a part of who he was. His heart and life belonged to Christ...and that included the good and the bad.
That puts a crinkle in my pity-party plans. It at least reminds me of the spirit that dwells deep within me. It is a Spirit that calls me and beckons me to come closer...a spirit that rages within me and longs to live beyond the walls of my own heart and into the dark and hurting world. When I am hurting, when ministry is hard, when I don't want to make time to do anything but my own agenda or I'm too lazy to talk to God----it is then that I find myself the most miserable. So I wait and I pray, hoping that God will conintue to develop, re-develop, and guide the life within me---so that I may share this good news from who I am and not just what I do.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
serving stability
Stability sounds so inviting. But stability is a choice. Not always, and not in every situation, but by and large, we have the power to choose to create patterns of stability, consistency, and devotion. Alas, we do not. None of us ever really do. And that erks me—about myself and others. If stability is what we long for, then why do we not seek to establish stability in our everyday experiences?
Wake up. Brush teeth. Shower. Comb hair. Dress. Eat breakfast. Plan. Begin. Rush. End. Begin again.
Plus or minus a few things.
It is the “rush” that takes over. We keep pushing, keep doing, keep working. We fight with ourselves to stop. Worse yet, we don’t even fight anymore. We just keep going. I’m as guilty as anyone of becoming numb and indifferent to the push. Yet I hear the voice of those that I love reminding me that I must stop. I can’t keep pushing. I need someone greater, something bigger. That’s not to say I don’t do or plan anything, just that I find stable ways to do so. Everyday I can do a little. Every day I can work towards a goal. But I must be mindful that my life runs parallel, and sometimes perpendicular, to others. If I chart out the stability of all those tracks I would remember that my stability depends on another. And another’s stability depends on me.
I wake up. Brush teeth. Shower. Comb hair. Dress. Devotion. Eat. Plan. Begin. Rush. End. Do again.
Others wake up. Brusth teeth. Shower. Comb hair. Dress. Devotion. Eat. Plan. Begin. Rush. End. Do again.
It is that “rush” that intersects with all of time. Someone else needs us to stop or go so that they can keep pushing, doing, working. We fight to let ourselves help another. Who knew that stopping would be as much a blessing to someone as doing. I guess it all depends on which lives we want to intersect with, and what sort of stability we want to have as well as provide.
I’m asking God for some more stability these days. Knowing full well that if I doubt he is offering that to me then I am already “unstable in all of my ways” Jms. 1:8.
Here’s to stability. My own and for the sake of another. When I cannot find it in any other place, it is in the unchangeable God. May I be grateful for the stability offered to me by him, and faithful to practice stability for the love of another, extending grace and forgiveness when it is not always available to me.
Give thanks. Practice. Forgive. Do again.
-A life of great stability.
Wake up. Brush teeth. Shower. Comb hair. Dress. Eat breakfast. Plan. Begin. Rush. End. Begin again.
Plus or minus a few things.
It is the “rush” that takes over. We keep pushing, keep doing, keep working. We fight with ourselves to stop. Worse yet, we don’t even fight anymore. We just keep going. I’m as guilty as anyone of becoming numb and indifferent to the push. Yet I hear the voice of those that I love reminding me that I must stop. I can’t keep pushing. I need someone greater, something bigger. That’s not to say I don’t do or plan anything, just that I find stable ways to do so. Everyday I can do a little. Every day I can work towards a goal. But I must be mindful that my life runs parallel, and sometimes perpendicular, to others. If I chart out the stability of all those tracks I would remember that my stability depends on another. And another’s stability depends on me.
I wake up. Brush teeth. Shower. Comb hair. Dress. Devotion. Eat. Plan. Begin. Rush. End. Do again.
Others wake up. Brusth teeth. Shower. Comb hair. Dress. Devotion. Eat. Plan. Begin. Rush. End. Do again.
It is that “rush” that intersects with all of time. Someone else needs us to stop or go so that they can keep pushing, doing, working. We fight to let ourselves help another. Who knew that stopping would be as much a blessing to someone as doing. I guess it all depends on which lives we want to intersect with, and what sort of stability we want to have as well as provide.
I’m asking God for some more stability these days. Knowing full well that if I doubt he is offering that to me then I am already “unstable in all of my ways” Jms. 1:8.
Here’s to stability. My own and for the sake of another. When I cannot find it in any other place, it is in the unchangeable God. May I be grateful for the stability offered to me by him, and faithful to practice stability for the love of another, extending grace and forgiveness when it is not always available to me.
Give thanks. Practice. Forgive. Do again.
-A life of great stability.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Understanding Affection
Who ever led me to believe public affection was wrong was all wrong to begin with. Affection is good. Public affection is better. Good public affection wins the night. Maybe even the late night, not so public kind. I'll spare you further detail in that regard.
Affection is good medicine for the soul. For any marriage and friendship too. Affection expresses what words cannot and connects two people with feelings that our upwardly mobile, success driven, materialistically minded society tries to suppress. It isn't always politically correct to well up with giddiness or tears, or laughter or love. Forget about holding hands, or the public smack on the butt. Especially if you are Christian. Dear Lord! If you believe in Jesus and want to love and serve him then you will remember that sex is of the devil. And affection ALWAYS leads to sex. Right? Hmp. Ask any married man or woman and they'll preach a different truth.
There is something really significant about touch. It warms a heart and breaks down the walls in our lives. It announces our acceptance of another-- and affirms our commitment to let someone else have a bit of control. It comforts the weary. It strengthens anyone in sorrow. It keeps us in touch with each other, keeps us real. When all else is cold and stale in our lives, there is a moment of affection that shatters such states of existence and sets us free to be who we really are: dependent people.
Not co-dependent. But certainly in need of each other. I need you. And you need me. And sometimes we are reminded of that need with a simple hug. a handshake. a shared laugh. A chopstick war. Those childish butterfly kisses. A tap on the nose. That sweet double blink. The one that can be either good or bad. It doesn't matter really, just as long as it is.
Life without faithful affection would be numb. It would be rigid and weak, but pretend to be strong. It would be busy, but unproductive... for it would lack the language that all of humanity speaks. Affection is the language of the soul that speaks so loud--- perhaps the loudest in its absence. Don't let it be absent. Let's never buy into the lie that it need not exist. Every touch matters. Every act of affection lifts a burden, or at least shares it. Every commitment to an affectionate life is a commitment to a christ life. The savior was certainly affectionate... in his life, his death, his resurrection. Through words, deeds, actions and attitude, he demonstrated a deep love for His people. Ultimately, his affection culminated in the cross. Don't be afraid to be like Jesus... love others and let others love you. You can't go wrong there.
For now, I'll settle for footsies as you dose off to sleep. Take that!
Affection is good medicine for the soul. For any marriage and friendship too. Affection expresses what words cannot and connects two people with feelings that our upwardly mobile, success driven, materialistically minded society tries to suppress. It isn't always politically correct to well up with giddiness or tears, or laughter or love. Forget about holding hands, or the public smack on the butt. Especially if you are Christian. Dear Lord! If you believe in Jesus and want to love and serve him then you will remember that sex is of the devil. And affection ALWAYS leads to sex. Right? Hmp. Ask any married man or woman and they'll preach a different truth.
There is something really significant about touch. It warms a heart and breaks down the walls in our lives. It announces our acceptance of another-- and affirms our commitment to let someone else have a bit of control. It comforts the weary. It strengthens anyone in sorrow. It keeps us in touch with each other, keeps us real. When all else is cold and stale in our lives, there is a moment of affection that shatters such states of existence and sets us free to be who we really are: dependent people.
Not co-dependent. But certainly in need of each other. I need you. And you need me. And sometimes we are reminded of that need with a simple hug. a handshake. a shared laugh. A chopstick war. Those childish butterfly kisses. A tap on the nose. That sweet double blink. The one that can be either good or bad. It doesn't matter really, just as long as it is.
Life without faithful affection would be numb. It would be rigid and weak, but pretend to be strong. It would be busy, but unproductive... for it would lack the language that all of humanity speaks. Affection is the language of the soul that speaks so loud--- perhaps the loudest in its absence. Don't let it be absent. Let's never buy into the lie that it need not exist. Every touch matters. Every act of affection lifts a burden, or at least shares it. Every commitment to an affectionate life is a commitment to a christ life. The savior was certainly affectionate... in his life, his death, his resurrection. Through words, deeds, actions and attitude, he demonstrated a deep love for His people. Ultimately, his affection culminated in the cross. Don't be afraid to be like Jesus... love others and let others love you. You can't go wrong there.
For now, I'll settle for footsies as you dose off to sleep. Take that!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Wisdom speaks
I've seen you up there. Face to the crowd, podium at arm's length. "Something to say", so you say. I suppose it's true. There is always something to be said. And we're always talking. Always teaching. always yearning to contribute and confess as much as we long to receive and suppress. Yes, suppression is actually sweeter. Not in any politically correct sense, but in the actualized lives that we lead. The less we share the more we know. It means we take life in: observing all its complexities and embracing all its criticism. The more we take in the stronger we feel. And yet I fear one might suffocate under the weight of wisdom--- not in and of itself, but in all of its empty promise. Enjoy the opportunity to come up for air.
While you've got something to say, be certain to listen to what is being said. Turn down the music. Turn down the noise. Listen, ever so careful, for Wisdom's voice. Sometimes it's soft, and subtle like a cloud. Sometimes it's thunderous, booming, and loud. Without fail there is something to learn. And once we learn it we will have something to share again. That doesn't mean stop. No, one mustn't stop honing the skill and educating the intellect or sharing the source. It only means learn while you listen, and educate as you experience. Have patience for ignorance. Remember your own. Find comfort in correcting and Blessing in the basics. After all, isn't that the thrill? To teach the unteachable and love the unloveable. To open the mind of the menace, maybe even a minister.
Although it has been distant, the smile on me is distinct. It marks my pride. Your promise. Our progress. Perhaps it should be said with much more fervor and faith: face the crowd, podium at arm's length, and offer the people that something you have to say. For you. Your growth, your hope, and your testimony. Find strength and renewal, and honestly lean on God for something good and lasting to say.
Say it again, teacher. Until the world has heard.
While you've got something to say, be certain to listen to what is being said. Turn down the music. Turn down the noise. Listen, ever so careful, for Wisdom's voice. Sometimes it's soft, and subtle like a cloud. Sometimes it's thunderous, booming, and loud. Without fail there is something to learn. And once we learn it we will have something to share again. That doesn't mean stop. No, one mustn't stop honing the skill and educating the intellect or sharing the source. It only means learn while you listen, and educate as you experience. Have patience for ignorance. Remember your own. Find comfort in correcting and Blessing in the basics. After all, isn't that the thrill? To teach the unteachable and love the unloveable. To open the mind of the menace, maybe even a minister.
Although it has been distant, the smile on me is distinct. It marks my pride. Your promise. Our progress. Perhaps it should be said with much more fervor and faith: face the crowd, podium at arm's length, and offer the people that something you have to say. For you. Your growth, your hope, and your testimony. Find strength and renewal, and honestly lean on God for something good and lasting to say.
Say it again, teacher. Until the world has heard.
A LESSON IN BLOGGING
To begin you must do exactly that. Begin.
no rhyme or reason. No explanation necessary. Typos are welcomed and anger is entertainment. So, breathe in, breathe out. Maybe even stop breathing for second. Okay, that's enough. Breathe again.
Now, what random inquiry plagues your mind today? Or better yet, what insight can you offer the world? Laughable? perfect.
Write it. Think about it. Stop thinking. Type.
If you want to develop your skills, then you must be free from the need to be skilled. Free yourself to express emotion and embrace emptiness. SImultaneously inscribing your feelings with your skills with your musings and your discontent with life as it is. Are we getting there?
Forget punctuation. Forget rhyme and rhetoric-- just flow. It's like rapping. but not. Thank God, because you are a horrible white rapper. Not you, just we. By we I mean everyone who attempts to rap. Or rhyme. or write. It becomes good because we say so. So, I take it back. I'm a good rapper. There, I said it.
You must dismiss any anxiety about judgement and joking that may arise from your reflections. Push aside the pain you may find arising in your articulation. reject any ridiculous notion that the publication of your private thoughts might be understood. It probably won't, unless you are overly explicit. And no one really engages your art anyway. Yet, you should take comfort in knowing someone is happy to browse your work and constructively criticize your feelings. You don't have to read comments if you don't want to.
Don't try to be a hero. You don't need to save anyone or fix anything. Just be you. And take the risk to let others learn a thing or two. It isn't really mindless if it is your mind that is writing. less. less is certainly more. So say it clean, straight, and simple.
Find God in it. FInd solace in it. Find yourself. LIke that famous author once said: I know not what I think, until I write it down.
So. go ahead. BLOG.
Now you know how.
no rhyme or reason. No explanation necessary. Typos are welcomed and anger is entertainment. So, breathe in, breathe out. Maybe even stop breathing for second. Okay, that's enough. Breathe again.
Now, what random inquiry plagues your mind today? Or better yet, what insight can you offer the world? Laughable? perfect.
Write it. Think about it. Stop thinking. Type.
If you want to develop your skills, then you must be free from the need to be skilled. Free yourself to express emotion and embrace emptiness. SImultaneously inscribing your feelings with your skills with your musings and your discontent with life as it is. Are we getting there?
Forget punctuation. Forget rhyme and rhetoric-- just flow. It's like rapping. but not. Thank God, because you are a horrible white rapper. Not you, just we. By we I mean everyone who attempts to rap. Or rhyme. or write. It becomes good because we say so. So, I take it back. I'm a good rapper. There, I said it.
You must dismiss any anxiety about judgement and joking that may arise from your reflections. Push aside the pain you may find arising in your articulation. reject any ridiculous notion that the publication of your private thoughts might be understood. It probably won't, unless you are overly explicit. And no one really engages your art anyway. Yet, you should take comfort in knowing someone is happy to browse your work and constructively criticize your feelings. You don't have to read comments if you don't want to.
Don't try to be a hero. You don't need to save anyone or fix anything. Just be you. And take the risk to let others learn a thing or two. It isn't really mindless if it is your mind that is writing. less. less is certainly more. So say it clean, straight, and simple.
Find God in it. FInd solace in it. Find yourself. LIke that famous author once said: I know not what I think, until I write it down.
So. go ahead. BLOG.
Now you know how.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
ROAD TRIPPING WITH ME
The struggle to be who we say we are is one that costs us credibility. It frustrates our friendships and distorts our discipline. It issues hurt and heartache in ways we cannot fully know, and it initiates the war with self-esteem. In truth, it is what makes us human, and yet so desperately dependent upon the divine.
What struggle, you ask? Come on. You know it. Like it or not you've battle with yourself or been the onlooker to the tragic flaws of your friends like a witness to a car wreck. It's ugly. It's painful. It can often be avoided but happens in a split second decision-- or indecision. It isn't that we all desperately want to disappoint others or that we are even aware of our hypocrisy, but for some reason we are in constant battle to live up to the standards that have been set by God, ourselves, and even others. My standard is high, but my life might be less. The struggle is real, human, and even acceptable to a degree. But when the struggle is simplified and minimized, or when it becomes a fight for something so basic and honest, then it raises questions. Not that there isn't a need for support in the midst of the harsh reality that even self honesty is an effort--- but at some point self honesty has to be just that: Self. okay, you got me. Self and God. But that's where it ends. Even in community. And when it doesn't, or it can't, or it is refused then there is room for questioning and doubt from the onlooker. Surely you had some part to play in this mess. I mean, if you were honest?
And yet the confrontation with self (or lack thereof) does in fact frustrate friendships and distort one's discipline. Everyone looking on is forced to witness the pain. They may not feel it-- might not even really understand it, but when the collision occurs, it gets people's attention. Even complete strangers will drive by and stop. So it goes with each and every relationship in one's life. People look. People gasp. People may have sympathy, while others find pleasure in the pain. And somewhere down the road there is someone who is really just pissed off from having to wait for your mess to get out of the road. Worse than all that anger, onlooking, upset, and entertainment is what it costs YOU. You continue to drive recklessly, mindlessly, selfishly. The art of engaging others along the way is lost and the only reflection you find is in the rear view. And so the image in your mind is distorted and the driver's Ed. you had so long ago becomes meaningless and distant. You lean back. You use one hand. You are distracted by the sound of the radio, and you flick your addiction out the window with a whitewashed face and empty eyes--- still on the rearview. Distortion may be the culprit, only the report will tell.
Hard to say how much damage has been done. Even harder to guess what it'll cost to make repairs. Not just for yours, but everyone else's damage too. Hope they have some kind of coverage. One cannot bear the guilt of what reckless life navigation does to others, but responsibility must be taken. Action must accompany an attitude that is repentant and determined to relearn. Take control of the wheel, but don't be aggressive. Check your mirrors-- even that blind spot. Use signals and let someone else know when in the heck you are doing anyway. When necessary, brake. No one can do that for you.
STOP living with the guilt. You survived--whether you deserve it or not is irrelevant. You did, and so you give thanks. You get over yourself, and ignore the initial desire to give in to pity that increases the probability of your distorted driving skills all over again.
You are human. We are human. We are all at risk--- and the sooner we confess our ignorance and selfish skills, the sooner we will allow someone else to drive. Trust me, it's better that way; for you, for me, and for all the onlookers.
What struggle, you ask? Come on. You know it. Like it or not you've battle with yourself or been the onlooker to the tragic flaws of your friends like a witness to a car wreck. It's ugly. It's painful. It can often be avoided but happens in a split second decision-- or indecision. It isn't that we all desperately want to disappoint others or that we are even aware of our hypocrisy, but for some reason we are in constant battle to live up to the standards that have been set by God, ourselves, and even others. My standard is high, but my life might be less. The struggle is real, human, and even acceptable to a degree. But when the struggle is simplified and minimized, or when it becomes a fight for something so basic and honest, then it raises questions. Not that there isn't a need for support in the midst of the harsh reality that even self honesty is an effort--- but at some point self honesty has to be just that: Self. okay, you got me. Self and God. But that's where it ends. Even in community. And when it doesn't, or it can't, or it is refused then there is room for questioning and doubt from the onlooker. Surely you had some part to play in this mess. I mean, if you were honest?
And yet the confrontation with self (or lack thereof) does in fact frustrate friendships and distort one's discipline. Everyone looking on is forced to witness the pain. They may not feel it-- might not even really understand it, but when the collision occurs, it gets people's attention. Even complete strangers will drive by and stop. So it goes with each and every relationship in one's life. People look. People gasp. People may have sympathy, while others find pleasure in the pain. And somewhere down the road there is someone who is really just pissed off from having to wait for your mess to get out of the road. Worse than all that anger, onlooking, upset, and entertainment is what it costs YOU. You continue to drive recklessly, mindlessly, selfishly. The art of engaging others along the way is lost and the only reflection you find is in the rear view. And so the image in your mind is distorted and the driver's Ed. you had so long ago becomes meaningless and distant. You lean back. You use one hand. You are distracted by the sound of the radio, and you flick your addiction out the window with a whitewashed face and empty eyes--- still on the rearview. Distortion may be the culprit, only the report will tell.
Hard to say how much damage has been done. Even harder to guess what it'll cost to make repairs. Not just for yours, but everyone else's damage too. Hope they have some kind of coverage. One cannot bear the guilt of what reckless life navigation does to others, but responsibility must be taken. Action must accompany an attitude that is repentant and determined to relearn. Take control of the wheel, but don't be aggressive. Check your mirrors-- even that blind spot. Use signals and let someone else know when in the heck you are doing anyway. When necessary, brake. No one can do that for you.
STOP living with the guilt. You survived--whether you deserve it or not is irrelevant. You did, and so you give thanks. You get over yourself, and ignore the initial desire to give in to pity that increases the probability of your distorted driving skills all over again.
You are human. We are human. We are all at risk--- and the sooner we confess our ignorance and selfish skills, the sooner we will allow someone else to drive. Trust me, it's better that way; for you, for me, and for all the onlookers.
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